The Darkness Within

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She downed the last of several shots. A deep hole waited, someone she knew to be placed inside.

She tripped over pebbles and glanced up ahead.  Almost there now.

A small gathering stood around the gravesite. Had they started without her?

She took in their glares, their finger points. Tardy like a schoolgirl. Shame on me.

She didn’t see the hole.

Falling, falling, falling. She landed on her side, her dress torn and ruined.

She pushed a palm into the soft dirt but couldn’t sit up. Stuck. Had this grave been dug just for her? Had they been expecting her? Her nails, ruined by the earth’s filth.

Six feet under and no place to go?” her mother whispered. “You’re a disgrace. Now get up and get to work. Sofie!”

“Sofie? Sofie?”

She turned and found herself in the reflection of her friend’s eyes, her own muddled haze lessening.

But the hallow void beneath her opened its mouth and called to her, threatening to swallow her whole.

“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust…” The skinny preacher mumbled.

For the most part, the sky remained clear. The few scattered clouds resembled claw marks as if God, if there was one, was desperately trying to scratch his way in. Or perhaps, out.

(Excerpt from a CD-W novel)

 

photo credit

via Tardy

 

What Good Is a Window?

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What good is a window 

 if there’s nothing to see 

no season of fall 

no drifting of leaves 

What good is a window 

if there’s only a wall. 

 

What good is a window 

if it’s sealed on all sides 

if it always stays closed 

by your heart or your pride 

What good is a window 

If you’re underexposed. 

 

What good is a window     

if it’s locked tight, secured 

or covered with drapes 

and your view is obscured 

What good is a window 

If there is no escape 

 

What good is a window 

if it’s not open wide 

to smile at skies blue 

to let fear subside 

So,

What good is a window? 

It let’s you climb through 

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(photo taken when I visited beautiful Tuscany)

 

Top Photo credit

The Truth Bites Like a Ratt’ler

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Dad’s ignoring me as usual, but I guess that’s better than a slap on my face. Mother dries off the breakfast skillet, picks up a fussy Delma, and says, “Cono, yer goin’ te town this weekend te sleep over at Mamaw’s.”

“How come?” I ask.

“Aunt Marguerite and Aunt Eva are there. They wanna see ye.”

Well, I can see all the way down to the truth, and it feels like I’ve swallered a ratt’ler. Dad’s still mad that I’d bitten that toothbrush in two and doesn’t want me around. I don’t want to be around him either.

Still, I don’t want to go. I like Dad’s sisters well enough, but I want to stay here with baby Delma.

Mamaw, Dad’s mother, is the toughest grandma I know. It would be a whole lot easier if I just ran away and caught a train to somewhere else. As I sit on that idea like a chicken warming her eggs. I decide against it. Everybody says that the trains are filled with starving hobos on their way to California. They say they like to eat children under the age of twelve. I’m afraid they’d eat me too even though I’m little and skinny.

I guess I have to go.

 

Excerpt from No Hill for a Stepper

 

via Age

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Toothless in a Fur Coat

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Hardly Saddler’s rolled up his wagon, pitched a tent and started up his Medicine Show. He told us about his elixirs and about how, if we bought them, they could treat most of our ailments. If he had an elixir for meanness, I would have bought a bottle right then and there, mixed it into a Pearl beer and taken it straight home to Dad.

Hardley Saddler had all kinds of shows to see and games to play. One of them was a contest to see who could hammer their one big nail the fastest into the wooden board. This contest was only open to girls, since there were other contests open for boys.

“Hey, look who’s enterin’ the contest,” Dorothy says , spitting a watermelon seed at my face. I spit one back and see Aunt Nolie and Genevieve, Dorothy’s sister, step up to the boards.

Besides Aunt Nolie and Genevieve, there were five other ladies lined up at the board. The whistle blew and there they were, those gals pounding their nails in such a hurry you would have thought they were putting up a church roof to keep Jesus dry before a storm. We were all cheering and a hollering for our favorite girl and wouldn’t you know it? I was still picturing Freezer’s eyeballs twitching and Aunt Nolie hammering something else.

Aunt Nolie got real close to winning, her face just dripping with girl sweat. But Genevieve slammed that nail in quicker than a racehorse coming out the gate.

After Genevieve was declared the winner, I couldn’t believe what the first prize was. Genevieve had won herself a brand new, over-the-knee fur coat. Even the folks who had rooted for someone else to win were hooting and clapping that at least one person in Rotan owned a new fur coat.

The next morning  peeked out the window and saw Lottie, Genevieve’s mother, standing outside her cabin, a cigarette dangling from her bottom lip, her bare feet in the snow. She looked over and waved to me like she does every morning. But on this particular day, she waved like she was the Queen of England except she was wearing nothing but a toothless grin and a brand new over-the-knee fur coat.

Ain’t that a pisser?

 

A true story from No Hill for a Stepper.

 

photo credit

via Particular

More than Nostalgia

The wonderful thing about writing down memories is keeping them. Because later, like me, you will find those written words.

I wrote this 26 years ago when my son was two years old:

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As grown-ups, we have learned much about life. But we learn much more by watching children experience and discover the world anew. I am about to be the grandmother of my fourth grandchild. I have much yet to learn.

Childhood and it’s atmospheric beauty!

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(my daughter’s first child — my second grandchild)

I am forever grateful.

 

 

 

 

via Atmospheric

A True Run-in with Bonnie and Clyde

While in the midst of writing No Hill for a Stepper, my father recounted this event. Here is the excerpt:

Delma and me come home from school and can’t find Mother anywhere. She’s always home when we come home from school, so we start to get a little worried until we see her talking to our Tourist Court neighbor on her front porch.

Miss Essie stoops over her cane and is a least a hundred years old if she’s a day.   “C’mon ov’r here, kids, I wanna tell ye what I jes’t tol’ yer mother,” she says, using her cane like a big hand to wave us over. We sit on her step and look up at the old lady sitting in her wobbly porch chair.

“Well, my nephew took me into Sweetwater t’day, ya know, ta do a little shoppin’?”

Oh sweet Jesus, I have to hear a shopping story.

“Well, I was at the Five and Dime and I got in line to pay for the odds and ends I’d picked up, ye know like a new hair bonnet, a few necessary toiletries. What else did I get now?” She looks up at the sky like she’s waiting for Jesus to remind her. Delma and me look up too but we don’t hear any loud voice coming from heaven. That doesn’t surprise me none.

“Oh, some of that sweet smelling toilet water they sell up by the front counter. What’s it called again, Elnora?” This time she doesn’t look up. Mother shakes her head back and forth to say she doesn’t know, while I take my mind to anywhere but shopping in Sweetwater with Miss Essie.

She grunts as she stands up from her chair. So I think she’s forgotten and is going inside and I can get on with my day, but she keeps going.

“Then I see this gal in front’a me with a stack’a clothes piled up on the counter, ‘nuff fer three families, mind ye, three families. Well, the clerk starts ringin’ up them clothes, but the gal says, now listen to this children, the gal says, ‘I ain’t payin’. Jes’t put ‘em in a bag. I’m Bonnie Parker.’ Kin ye imagine, I was standing right next to Bonnie Parker herself. I could’a been kilt right then and there, right then and there.” Then she fans the heat and fear off herself and sits down in her rickety porch chair like she’s about to faint.

“Bonnie Parker?” I say. “Like Bonnie and Clyde Parker?”

“One’n the same.”

“Who’s Bonnie and Clyde Parker?” Delma asks.

“Barrow,” Mother says. “Clyde Barrow.”

“Who’s Bonnie and Clyde Barrow?” she asks again.

“Never ye mind Delma,” says Mother.

“I’ll tell ye later,” I whisper to Sis.

But Miss Essie says, “Killers, that’s what they are. Natural born killers.” She keeps fanning like she’s trying to air herself away from being dead.

I sat there thinking on what it would be like to meet Bonnie and Clyde. All the kids talk about them and sometimes, when our parents don’t know, we pretend we’re holding up banks just like they do.

The sun is starting to set as the wind starts to pick up, making whirlwinds in the dust. Mother walks out into the street and stares up to the sky. I follow her and see strange looking clouds that start on the ground and go up instead of the other way around like they’re supposed to.

“Miss Essie, yer nephew gonna be home soon?” I hear Mother ask.

“Should be home any time now. Why?”

“Cause I think we’re about to have ourselves a sand storm.”

“Oh, Lordy, what a day! First a brush with death and now a sand storm!”

Unknown

 

photo credit

Daily word prompt: faint

Where Poems Live

There’s a place where poems live

a secret space well hidden

a road from nowhere

a road to everywhere

away from madness

away from strangers

where life,

with all it’s twists and turns

flourish and grow

 

The place where poems grow

a never ending pasture

of tiny sprouts watered

pruned

erupting into color

waiting for the author’s courage

to nurture more

to harvest boldly

 

I’d gladly spend more time there

to feel creative winds kiss my cheeks

smell the air left behind by inspiring rains

listen to the seasons

and taste the warmth of words

upon my tongue

 

I visit there sometimes,

my second home

I twirl and dance

run and play

find the words

find the meaning

and write the cadence

of a poem’s identity

 

And when I’m tired

I lay on the colored verses

stretch my arms toward the sky

twirl the clouds around my fingertips

and smile at their tickled laughter

 

All in that secret place

where poems live

 

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photo credit

daily post prompt: Identity

Do You Have Writer’s Disease?

I’ll talk of my pearls,

my rubies and gems

of gowns made of lace

and gold finished hems

I’ll talk of my island

surrounded by glory

of exotic birds

my elite territory

Oh, and my face

it’s perfect with beauty

What’s that you say?

I’m sounding too snooty?

Okay then! Alright!

I’ll tell you the truth

there are a few flaws

in this “fountain of youth”

That trademark I have

I’ve kept it well hidden

I shouldn’t be bragging

and boasting’s forbidden

I’m really a writer

which means I’m a mess

my hair I just tussle

my clothes, I confess …

… are simple like leggings

my t-shirts un-white

appearance means nothing

what does, is to write.

Okay,! Right now

I’ll stop pecking the keys

Oh, crap. One more thought

(Damn writer’s disease)

Geez!

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photo is from a great article entitled “The Seven Habits of Highly Neurotic Authors

 

daily post prompt: Trademark

 

 

 

 

 

Dance Anyway

I just had a birthday

but they say it’s been a year

so I am here

standing strong

a thumbs up and a cheer.

 

Fifteen years ago, I wrote an entry in my journal about turning 45. Soon afterward, I copied the pages and turned it into a piece of art. I painted a journal (the image is flat) then made it three-dimensional by coating a separate piece of card stock with gesso. I glued it so it would protrude from the canvas.

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In the original journal, I wrote how, inside, I was the same person who played guitar at sunsets, had intimate conversations with perfect strangers, and questioned everything about life.

Today, I have more answers. But I will always question.

 

What I positively know to be true is this–a line from a song:

 

“To love another person is to see the face of God.”

I have seen His/Her face many times.

And for that, I am forever grateful.

 

And, as my 28 year-old son once said at the age of two,

“It’s not time to go home. It’s time to dance!”

And he said this when no music was playing. A lesson to live by.