Are you complete?

We are all made up of jigsaw pieces – varied shapes of experiences that combine to make us a complete puzzle.

You don’t think you are complete? You think you are missing pieces?

 

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Do you toss a few of your least wonky samples on the viewing table, the ones you’ve buffed and coated in high gloss? The pieces you think are less vulnerable to share?

Perhaps today you are a one-hundred piece puzzle. Or a five-hundred. With additional experiences comes greater awareness. Tomorrow, you might be made of a thousand pieces that all interlock perfectly. Tomorrow, maybe ten-thousand.

At this very second, this moment in time, you are perfect.

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Celebrate who you are.

 

 

 

 

Can I serve my server an arrest warrant?

ERG! Woke up this morning to discover my server wasn’t delivering emails. That meant not being able to accurately keep up with my fellow bloggers. 😦

It seems to be working now, so tomorrow, I have three main items on my agenda list.

  1. Go through a gazillion emails and respond to the tried and true bloggers.
  2. Hit some pads in  various combinations including the One, Two, Three! (jab, cross, hook)
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Me at Gleason’s gym in Brooklyn several years ago.

3. Do a little Santa work.

Hope to catch up with y’all (you, you guys, you all) tomorrow!

 

 

My only worry …

Last night, we celebrated a late Thanksgiving with our kids and grandkids. The house was perfectly chaotic and I loved every moment.

Today, I sit back and relax (well, and blog). At this moment, my only worry is wondering if the fresh-pressed beet juice is staining my Invisalign’s! 

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Happy Sunday, everyone!

Raw Journal Kernels – 3

More of these “kernels.” Before long, I might have a whole cob!! Maybe even start remembering past events!

“Skimming through these old treasures, I had this thought: “What if I shared kernels, bits of my past from numerous journal entries?”

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So, here I go, making myself vulnerable. Again.” – from Raw Journal Kernels- 1 and 2.

I remember now!  Vacationing in Whistler, Canada.

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Raw Journal Kernels- 2

Just for fun!

“Skimming through these old treasures, I had this thought: “What if I shared kernels, bits of my past from numerous journal entries?”

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So, here I go, making myself vulnerable. Again.” – from Raw Journal Kernels- 1

Note: most of the journal entries were written years back at a coffee shop before hitting the gym next door.

Wrote this after visiting a small town where a small home sat a few feet away from a funeral home.

 

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The Shape Of Meta’s Being

“I’m going to bet on MY ‘underdog-ness’ and give this a shot. Some might sigh a bit when they see a fellow blogger try to promote their work. But try we must.” CD-W

In a previous post titled, The Shape of our Being, I mentioned how our experiences shape our humanness, including the Carolyn Being (a work in progress). My “shape” shows up in my novels. In this excerpt from The Last Bordello, Sadie, a prostitute in a 1901 bordello, escorts the virtuous Meta (who accepted Madam Fannie’s offer to be the bordello’s pianist) on a tour of the city.

And truly, thanks for hanging with me!

“Meta, I know this is your first time to a big city. I want to be fair. There is something I want you to understand.” She paused, gathering my attention. “People in town know I’m a painted lady, a prostitute. Or, as some like to say, a lowly whore.”

“But—”

Sadie held up a hand. “Being seen with me is almost as bad as being a prostitute yourself. People will judge you. Your reputation could be tainted by merely being seen in my presence. I truly don’t want any harm or ill will to come to you. I don’t want you embarrassed by my company.”

Perhaps this was Aunt Amelia’s concern, what she wanted to tell me. If the public thought less of me for playing the piano at a bordello, I didn’t care. Weren’t even prostitutes and their customers entitled to the magic of music?

Unlashing Sadie’s grasp, I stepped a foot to the side. “Sadie, I appreciate your honesty. Now,” I said, my grin widening, “shall we walk back arm in arm like schoolgirls?”

Sadie’s white teeth glistened in the February sun. “Yes,” she said, interlocking an elbow with mine. “Onward to the next stop.”

Excerpt from an Amazon review:

“She uses the issues of the day to create a timely portrait of strong women supporting each other and taking control of their lives. Who would have imagined that these themes would still be as relevant as they are?”

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Elizabeth Cady Stanton, women’s right activist

 

 

The Shape of our Being

 

Growing from a child into a young adult are powerful years. The “big” events and experiences during that period stick with us.

I would like to share something with you because it’s important to me.

In  a previous post, I mentioned how each of us has our own prevailing awareness — experiences that have formed our humanness.

In my case, the Carolyn Being.

At eight-years old I was told I was going to hell for not being Baptist. I tried to stand up for myself. It was hard. I was outnumbered. In tears, I ran home to my mother.

What I learned: It hurts to be judged by your faith.

A popular football player in high school pushed and mocked a blind student. “What are you doing?!” I shouted. For a second, I wondered who’s said that. I was not the confrontational kind and my words shocked me. They also felt good.

Later,  that same year, a young girl with Down Syndrome climbed up my body like I was a grand oak tree, clinging to me with comfort while others gaped, appalled. I smiled. I loved her strong and loving arms.

What I learned: Never poke fun at the physically or mentally challenged.

A friend in early 1970’s “confessed” he was gay. I said, “But you’ll still drive us around, right?”

What I learned: A good friend is a good friend no matter what their sexual preference.

In the late seventies, a friend used the “n” word in front of me. I told him to never do it again.

What I learned:  Friends may not share your values.

I learned about poverty while student teaching in a low income center across from the housing projects.

What I learned: We are not born in equal environments.

I witnessed a “clean cut” UT student, rip the metal trim off of the side of an old car that wasn’t his. I confronted him while my friend found the bar’s bouncer.

What I learned: It’s disrespectful to destroy another’s property.

After many more experiences were added to my Prevailing Awareness, I decided to enter the field of Special Ed then changed my major to Child Development.

So, I taught bias-free education to my teachers and at local and state conferences. This theme carries over into my novels.

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From my experiences, I learned to stand up for those who are picked on, faced with injustices, scrutinized and criticized for being “different.” I learned to stand up to the oppressors who try to crush another’s dignity in order to feel temporarily (and falsely) empowered.

That’s how I roll.

How about you? Do you have a particular experience/experiences that molded the shape of your BEING?

 

Birthday Blues Music?

Before I turn that big corner, I’ll have to look both ways.

Twenty years ago, on the evening before my fortieth birthday, I wrote a little cathartic something for myself. Something about “anything goes,” how I might dye my hair purple, get boobs, a tattoo, spit when I want to. In these past twenty years, I did one of those things. And before you wonder too hard, I’m not a spitter. I’m not good at it and don’t have a hankering to learn now.

So, I’m at the corner. To my left is the past, my right, the future.

Obviously, unless I live to be 121 years old, there is much more to see on my left, sixty years worth.

I was very fortunate to have loving parents and a sister, five and a half years older. I often tell her it’s one of the many things I love about her. She’s been every age before me and can tell me what it’s like.

Am I being overly sensitive?

Yes. But sixty? It’s so hard to believe.

I know when that big day comes a few days from now  (not just my birthday but early voting day in Texas), I will settle peacefully into a new decade.

But what will I see? Do? How many more novels live inside of me that beg to be allowed in public?

How many empty canvases can I fill with paint and like the result?

When will I have to stop boxing? (pads and bags, not people)

Mostly, I wonder, what will I learn?

That’s the exciting part.

Sometimes, I want to return to the years when my children were young. The fun we had at parks, reading stories, making up stories, and endless other happy times. I loved watching them grow.

I smile now after typing that last sentence. They are adults and I still love watching them grow. And each of my two children have given me a grandchild. I will watch them grow too, just not for quite as long. It’s okay. Because now it’s my children and grandchildren’s turn to experience that joy.

And that thought makes me smile like the birth of a new baby.

It’s the circle of life. And it’s beautiful.  

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