Do you wrap your shoulders in guilt?
Does it make you feel better?
Of course not.
You did what you did, but the moment has passed.
Perhaps it is regret that you are feeling.
Regret is better. It means you have taken that nugget,
examined it with neutral hands
and learned from it.
So, you wash your hands with compassionate soap
and remind yourself that you are not a fraud
but a human flawed
like everyone else.
Be brave and accept
being flawed only adds to your perfection.
Growing from a child into a young adult are powerful years. The “big” events and experiences during that period stick with us.
I would like to share something with you because it’s important to me.
In a previous post, I mentioned how each of us has our own prevailing awareness — experiences that have formed our humanness.
In my case, the Carolyn Being.
At eight-years old I was told I was going to hell for not being Baptist. I tried to stand up for myself. It was hard. I was outnumbered. In tears, I ran home to my mother.
What I learned: It hurts to be judged by your faith.
A popular football player in high school pushed and mocked a blind student. “What are you doing?!” I shouted. For a second, I wondered who’s said that. I was not the confrontational kind and my words shocked me. They also felt good.
Later, that same year, a young girl with Down Syndrome climbed up my body like I was a grand oak tree, clinging to me with comfort while others gaped, appalled. I smiled. I loved her strong and loving arms.
What I learned: Never poke fun at the physically or mentally challenged.
A friend in early 1970’s “confessed” he was gay. I said, “But you’ll still drive us around, right?”
What I learned: A good friend is a good friend no matter what their sexual preference.
In the late seventies, a friend used the “n” word in front of me. I told him to never do it again.
What I learned: Friends may not share your values.
I learned about poverty while student teaching in a low income center across from the housing projects.
What I learned: We are not born in equal environments.
I witnessed a “clean cut” UT student, rip the metal trim off of the side of an old car that wasn’t his. I confronted him while my friend found the bar’s bouncer.
What I learned: It’s disrespectful to destroy another’s property.
After many more experiences were added to my Prevailing Awareness, I decided to enter the field of Special Ed then changed my major to Child Development.
So, I taught bias-free education to my teachers and at local and state conferences. This theme carries over into my novels.
From my experiences, I learned to stand up for those who are picked on, faced with injustices, scrutinized and criticized for being “different.” I learned to stand up to the oppressors who try to crush another’s dignity in order to feel temporarily (and falsely) empowered.
That’s how I roll.
How about you? Do you have a particular experience/experiences that molded the shape of your BEING?
Carolyn Dennis-Willingham 