This Ain’t Us

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This Ain’t Us

I didn’t grow up with “Good morning, Cono” smiles or quiet and calm conversations around the supper table. Maybe, we just learned not to speak our mind. Especially since one or two of the minds around the kitchen table might not like our notions.

If somebody were to peek in the window at suppertime, they’d have seen four mouths that moved due to chewing, not from that risky pastime called “talking”. In fact, if we tried to catch each word that came out of our mouths, especially at suppertime, there wouldn’t be enough to fill a soup bowl. And if we were counting on words for our nourishment, well then, we would have starved plumb to death.

I grew up believing that conversation cost money and since those were hard times, Mother and Dad tried to save every penny they could. So if Dad were to tell me, “Son, please leave the pie in front’a Ike’s plate,” it would have cost fifty cents and we could have put that half dollar towards new shoes for Delma.

“Son, the woodpile’s low so I need you to chop the wood today please,” would have cost seventy-five cents and we’d have been chewing on lambsquarters for the rest of our poor lives.

Now on the other hand, when he looked directly at me, pointed to that woodpile and said, “Get busy!” he’d just stockpiled a bundle of money. And if it weren’t for him buying his liquor, we would have had enough money for several good meals and maybe even a new dress for Mother.

 

Excerpt from No Hill for a Stepper by C. Dennis-Willingham

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via Fact

Step Away from the Ledge

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What are you doing way up there?

Are you trying to branch out? Expand your horizons? Or deaden them?

How many ladders do you need? Are two not enough?

Really, you don’t need ladders.

Get down off that ledge. It won’t solve anything and, besides, it makes me nervous.

Perhaps you could climb the shadows instead. Climb them until their dark is gone. Climb them until all you see are those useless ladders. The ones you don’t need in order to arrive safely at the place you want to be.

Don’t be afraid. The ground will support you.

And it’s amazing how high you can jump if you try.

 

photo by C. Dennis-Willingham

via Branch

He Ain’t Normal

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Although I’d thought about it many a time, I made it through half of the summer without killing No-Account. So has Aunt Nolie for that matter. Her and that dead-beat husband of hers seem be back to some kind of normal — which for them  means the typical bed grunting.

I see No-Account out the window. He’s brought Dad home from another hot springs pool that was supposed to help with his arthritis.

No-Account walks through the door. He’s supporting a man under his arm that looks nothing like my dad. Looks like he weighs no more than a baby bird. Ninety pounds is what they say he is now. Skinny as a rail, not worth a grain of salt. Definitely  not strong enough to lift a hand on me — barely strong enough to lift a word.

Excerpt from the novel, No Hill for a Stepper by C. Dennis-Willingham.

painting by Edvard Munch – image credit

via Typical

A Quilted Journey

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In every fabric of my soul

where fibers weave and thread

where stitching seems quite flawless

there are stains from when I bled

 

Ah, but isn’t it quite marvelous

to know this quilt  has tracked

all my strains and struggles

yet I still remain intact.

 

Yes, I still remain intact.

 

— by C. Dennis-Willingham

 

photo image – quilt of Maya Angelou made by Faith Ringgold

via Fabric

Thank You, Yes, I’m Fine

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Is my hair in little tangles

Do I laugh when I recline

Do I make my paintings messy?

Then, thank you, yes, I’m fine.

 

Do I lose my rhythm dancing

on a silvery cloud nine

and laugh since it don’t matter

if you laugh at my benign?

 

When I forget to wear the “good”shoes

where in fancy restaurant, dine

Can’t I let my toes be happy

while indulging my waistline?

 

Will you think of me uncouth if,

preferring the bus line,

I talk to random strangers

than the snobby, asinine?

 

Somewhere in the midst of fake

I have to draw the line

and teeter not upon it

but erect in my design.

 

And, thank you, yes, I’m fine.

 

Image credit, painting by Angela Morgan

 

 

 

 

via Messy

A Restart to Nothing New

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Delma mashes her little nose up against the window of the car. I stay quiet, thinking about what lays ahead, something I don’t yet know about.   I try to picture it, a town with gypsum snow under the ground, a town where Dad is happy, a town where….

“Where we goin’, Cono?” Delma whispers.

“I ain’t so sure Sis, but it’ll be someplace good ‘cause looky here, we’re ridin’ in a four-door automobile!”

She turns away from me then and keeps pressing her little nose up against the window until she finally gives in to sleeping on Mother’s lap. At least we are together, Delma and me. It’s just another place that I plan to watch over her. I want to keep her close by, so nobody can snatch her away again. As long as I can do that, it doesn’t make no difference where we are.

The car keeps humming slowly down the highway. I try to sleep but I can’t. Instead, I think about Mr. Ed Rotan and decide right then and there that “Cono, Texas” has a real good ring to it. Cono, Texas won’t just have snow gypsum under the ground and a railroad on top of it. It’ll have oil underground and derricks on the top, pumping night and day. I call them jacks “grasshoppers” because that’s just what they look like when they’re pumping up and down. They’re grasshoppers trying to hop away, but they’re stuck and have to settle for hopping up and down in the same place.

My town will have at least two good cafés that serve T-bone steaks and tea iced in clean tin jars, free to me since it’s my town.

My mind leaves Cono, Texas and I think again on Ranger, the town where I learned how to brush my teeth, where Ma and Pa have a farm and a house that you’ll always want to go back to, where Polo takes me anywhere I want to go. Ranger is about haircuts that teach you about boxing and about boxing that teaches you to keep standing up. It’s a town where a Tiger can stir the ground and make you a little sister.

Oh yeah. The town of Ranger teaches you that goats freeze, but hands burn.

I go back to the comfort of Cono, Texas, off the poor list and high on the hog. I don’t quite know what to expect, but I sure do like this red brick highway leading to someplace new. I’m thinking that everything’s going to be “copacetic,” like bright colorful times might be ahead, like we’re following a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

But I don’t know nothin’ from nothin’.

Excerpt from No Hill for a Stepper by C. Dennis-Willingham

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via Restart

More than a Bloody Moon

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Dad is slumped over on me now; half of his weight is on my right side, my right arm under his. I walk him to his side of the bed hoping Mother won’t wake up and see how drunk he is, see the blood I didn’t get the chance to wipe off his face. He lies down and is out cold. He’s good for the night.

I go into my room and see Delma asleep on her bed. I lie down on mine and stare up at the ceiling. A dim light comes through my window. The half-moon pays me a visit, casts shadows of a kid named Cono who never could beat Hicks Boy.

Well, I guess Dad has met his own Hicks Boy.

I can’t believe I’m not jumping up and down, celebrating. I feel kinda sorry for him, my dad beaten by a cue stick. The same man who, to my knowledge, never lost a fight except for in the boxing ring with Shorty Houghton when I was three years old.

I also feel pretty good that I was there for him, did something for him that maybe he’ll remember. But it doesn’t really matter if he remembers. I will. For the first time, I felt useful to him.

I hear Mother scream. I snap back into the present, out of my daydream. Maybe she’s woken up, has seen blood on her sheets reflected in moonlight, seen the blood on Dad’s face.

I start to get up but the quiet has taken over. I think I might just go back to sleep but the silence only lasts for a moment.

Excerpt from No Hill for a Stepper by C. Dennis-Willingham

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via Dim

Ah, Those Mentors Who Have Not Been Touched by the Absolute

I decided to look up one of my favorite words along with my favorite poet. Here’s what I got:

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What? Emily Dickinson hasn’t posted anything within 14 days??

And then I thought of how we rekindle our own imaginations – through the eyes of children, of course.

Then, I thought of Shel Silverstein.

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But this is my all-time favorite:

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And, by the way – Just because Emily hasn’t posted in a while doesn’t mean she’s not alive.

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via Imagination

 

Shepherding a Herd of Bullheads

Let us congregate together

to reach a common goal

of liberty and justice

to make the people whole.

 

Secure the budding children

the elderly and homeless

the rejected and the lonely

will no longer be an onus.

 

How hard is it to link our arms

to agree and thus succeed –

to reach solutions with accord?

It’s very hard, indeed.

               freedom-sandy-tracey       1-resistance-ron-tam

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via Congregate

 

Curiosity DID NOT Kill the Cat

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You know what DID kill the cat? Fear. Fear encrusted the cat like a toxic blanket. Because of this, the cat, stuck high up in a tree, could not come down. He was paralyzed and not curious enough to see what would happen if he tried.

Curiosity encourages us to learn, to explore, to question. Curiosity leads to knowledge.

No one has ever said so, but I wonder sometimes if my questions make people think I’m nosy when I’m actually inquiring and attempting to gather information.

Answers gives us knowledge and truth sets us free.

So, be curious and climb down from that tree.

And, if you need to hang on for dear life, do it while standing firmly on the ground.

via Encrusted

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