I had motioned Mama away. I was stupid because I had to save my pinwheel. Stupid that I let Brandon pour so much rotgut down my throat that I was too sick to leave with Mama.
What if I had given up the pinwheel? Never let Brandon pour that hooch down my gullet? I know the answer. If I’d been well, I would have made Mama stay. In a red chili second, I would have forced Mama and Daddy together to finish talking, to work out their problems.
I lift my head and see the note Miss Delores read to me. It’s three-quarters folded and right then I know something’s funny. Miss Delores didn’t write down Mama’s words from a telephone conversation. I’d Recognize Mama’s writing a mile away.
Excerpt from The Moonshine Thicket
Do you have Second Thoughts?
Of course you do. So do I. Hopefully, your second thoughts aren’t laden with guilt.
Guilt serves no purpose.
So, what do we do?
We add the regret (not guilt) to our long list of experiences and move forward.
I took a course not long ago on self-esteem. It wasn’t only about learning how to empower ourselves, but how we can look at people and circumstances in a different light.
Each and every experience we’ve ever encountered is imprinted in our “prevailing awareness.” With that stored information, we did exactly what we were “supposed” to do at that moment. (Hard concept, I know)
So each time we experience something, our bucket of awareness becomes fuller.
We can’t go back. None of us. We grow instead.
So, the only reason to dig up a “second thought,” is to learn from it.
Let’s concentrate on the bounty of our experiences and remember how they’ve helped us sprout into a higher level of awareness.
(Good daily prompt to help me remember this!)
Disclosure: I have second thoughts on every sentence I write. 🙂